30 March 2011

How to be a Hipster, Chapter 1


HOW TO BE A HIPSTER 



Read Chapter Two
Read Chapter Three

Hipster is a slang term that first appeared in the 1940s, and was revived in the 1990's and 2000's to describe types of young, recently settled urban middle class adults and older teenagers with interests in non-mainstream fashion and culture, particularly indie-rock, independent film, magazines such as Vice and Clash, and websites like Pitchfork Media.[1] In some contexts, hipsters are also referred to as scenesters.
 
CHAPTER ONE: APPEARANCE

Do you want to be a Hipster? 
 Do you wish you could join those sparkling beautiful people that you see pedaling past your house?



DO YOU SOMETIMES WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE IF YOU COULD CHAT WITH YOUR HIPSTER FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR VINYL COLLECTION WHILE DRINKING OUT OF VINTAGE TEACUPS?



 ARE YOU READY TO BE A HIPSTER?!




Well, throw your TV's away, buy yourself a sturdy canvas bag, talk about joining the Peace Corp and read this short guide on becoming what you've always dreamed of: A Hipster.

There's an art to finding acceptable Hipster clothing. The local thrift store will be just fine for all of your needs.


If you live in a particularly hipster-infested area of the country like I do, and the thrift stores are all picked over, there are other options.


I suppose you will have to settle for Urban Outfitters. It may be 5 or 6 times more expensive and thrift store clothes generally last twice as long, but it will do the job.

First, are you wearing pants that are looser than these? (Fig. 1)



If so, this needs to change.  Dig through the stale-smelling clothes and find some trousers. Then put them back on the rack and find some three sizes smaller.

Now, if you're a boy, you have a few options for tops. The first is something along the lines of this (Fig. 2): Note the V-neck placement. If you have chest hair just let a little bit pop out to say "hello!" to all of those unfortunate normals as you ride your single-speed around town. They'll wish their chest hair had such a trendy opportunity to show itself!


Here's another option (Fig 3.) Even if you've never touched an axe in your life, this plaid shirt and beard combination as well as the fact that you don't shower anymore will tell everybody that you are a mountain-man vinyl-buying organic food-eatin' hipster extraordinaire.


Another choice for a shirt would be something subtle, but ironic, such as a Ninja Turtles t-shirt circa 1995, or perhaps a Pokemon shirt. (Don't make it too obscure though. Pikachu will be just fine.)






Girls, what can we learn from this? (Fig. 4) :

a. Anything with a bronze or gold bejeweled owl on it is good. Earrings, necklaces....earrings. Anything!

b. Lace tights with shorts? HELLO.

c. These glasses are especially hipster.  Even if you don't need glasses, it's still good to own a pair of these. They'll overwhelm your face AND everybody around you! In a good way!







Check out Figure 5. This thing is called a romper. Romper=HOT. You can even cinch a belt around your romper if you want. ROMPER. ROMPER ROMPER ROMPER.




















































Note the next specimen (Fig. 6) is wearing such unisex accessories as a houndstooth or checkered scarf tied around their neck and some neon Ray Bans. WEAR THESE SUNGLASSES ALL THE TIME.

 
Now, look at your feet. Are you looking at them? If you aren't wearing something similar to the shoes shown in figures and examples previous to this, adjust your wardrobe accordingly. Here are a few other lovely examples of the options open to you in the realm of footwear. 



1. Toms. These are comfortable and look good on (almost) anybody, even if they do look like bricks. Plus, I'm pretty sure you're saving a person's life. Or at least buying them some shoes.

2. Moccasins - Nothing says that you appreciate culture and diversity more by wearing the traditional shoes of a people your ancestors all but wiped out.


3. Oxfords with a heel: Why not?



Here ends the brief chapter on Appearance in the series How to be a Hipster. Stay tuned (via blogstalking or following) for chapter two: Interests.





110 comments:

brittna said...

i love this. you're right on.

Angie. said...

I had to take a short break from scrolling and reading to laughed out loud and the picture of "beautiful flaxen chest-mane". WHY is it sparkling?! And are those little red spots on his chest supposed to be Zits?! HAHAHA

I'm laughing as I'm writing this.

Oh and sadly, I fit into most of the above categories as far as dressing like a hipster goes. :/
Not sure if that's good or bad.

Hannah Hillam said...

I dont know why its sparkling. Hah. Also I totally fit into the categories. As I was writing it I kept realizing how much of a hipster I am.

Jonathan said...

Wow. I kinda of want to be a hipster now. How did that happen?

Camilla said...

"Beautiful flaxen chest-mane"?! I just about DIED!

marlee said...

why are you so brilliant? i hate you.

Katie Bevan said...

I just love how your drawings make your blog posts so hilarious!

Shannon Hensley said...

this might be the best thing i've ever read in my life. ever.

and not just because is saw your bearded guy (like the EXACT one you drew) and yogurtland last weekend. hilarious.

Leslie Duke said...

Brilliant. Simply brilliant.

Hannah Hillam said...

Angie, yeah, those are some zits. Just pokin' out. Marlee, I hate you too.

Jeane said...

Pure Awesome!

Anonymous said...

So I guess I am the only person that couldn't see Fig 4?

Anonymous said...

I thought rompers were for babies?

Kelli Shea said...

Welp. I think I just fell in love with your blog. [Slash] Wanna be your best friend.

FePa said...

Amazing!!! love ur blog! :) A M A Z I N G !!!!!

Carrie said...

I just read this, and I won't comment on how many of those things I actually owned back in the 80s/90s and might still have floating around somewhere, lol! Great post!

Jono said...

I think you're a bit of a judgmental douche. why do you care about what hipsters wear or do?

abby said...

i found outfits here that my boyfriend and i both wear and now i'm ridiculously embarrassed.

Anonymous said...

This is hilarious and super accurate. Your illustrations are lovely too! Can't wait for the next installment.

Nadia Jean said...

Totally wearing lace tights and shorts today! :( hahahahaa, i love this blog, definitely going to follow

Hannah Hillam said...

Wow! Thank you all for your kind comments! :D

Also, I'm totally wearing skinny jeans and Toms today, so no worries about fitting these descriptions. :)

Anonymous said...

*yawn*

Anonymous said...

If you're from anywhere other than Columbus, Ohio, I cringe at the thought that there are other areas in the world that partake in similar hipster etiquette. BeeTeeDubs boys -- sparkly chest hair = not cool.

Anonymous said...

Hipsters may have beards but beards do not= hipster

cat said...

it wasn't that funny except for the part where you said, "Now look at your feet.. Are you looking at them?" i guess it was pretty right on but i just wish people would stop categorizing themselves.

cat said...

btw i didn't look at my feet when i read that part, lol. i'm not even wearing shoes.

Rasquachi said...

The defensive/butthurt comments here are almost as funny as your post. but not quite. You're hilarious, brilliant and RIGHT ON.

Holly said...

bahahahahahahaha thats great, i agreee, if this makes you mad get a sense of humor there are way bigger things to worry/get mad about than hipsters, theyre just funny to talk about..;)

Elissa said...

lol, you had me at the illustrations

tegan_ashley said...

Hahahaha, the illustrations were epic!

Anonymous said...

http://fridaysomewhere.blogspot.com/

Kristin said...

Ever been to Japan? Because this is how most of the women dress.

Jenna said...

Oh my, I think I just peed myself a little. With happiness. Best. Post. EVAR.

You forgot "inundate your blog with pictures of peonies. In random containers. The more rusted out, the better."

Thorpheus said...

funniest thing I ever saw xD

Outsourcing Companies said...

WOW, Golden sparkling chest hair, now that's a genuine Hipster

gpurite said...

impressive, sir. spot on

Anonymous said...

good friend of mine is an exact replica of figure 4... this page is magic

Anonymous said...

LOLOLOL!!! This blog just made my life!!! BEST. POST. EVER!

ShakinVerbatim said...

Dear Hannah

stop

Your blog has made my day/year

stop

Your writing, your illustrations

stop

I guess I'm a hipsterw

stop

but thanks to you, I'm a hipster who can't stop laughing at myself

stop

thank you

stop

ShakinVerbatim <3

Christianna said...

This is amazing.

dorothy said...

It' terrifying that I own 80% of the things listed above. Have mercy on me.

Anonymous said...

i like how everyone has their own personal idea of a hipster, and somehow they're all right. (?) people who talk about stereotypes and shit are dumb. and second of all, i'm almost positive 'scenester' is totally different than a hipster. dumb.

Leah said...

*Buys all of the above.* I'm a music hipster, i wish i could dress like them, they have amazing style, not going to lie.

Vedette said...

Sad that I own most of these

Walt Disney said...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAH

KILL IT!! BREAK ITS LEGS!!

purplepond said...

This is hilarious. Cannot wait for more!

Anonymous said...

another way to be a hipster. Act like everything is the most intelligent, awesome, epic, brilliant thing you've ever heard.

Anonymous said...

I'm from Argentina and I don't agree with this statement: "I'm pretty sure you're saving an Argentine child's life". I think you’re talking from an ignorant position and that you have no idea how people live in Argentina or even how the shoe industry works. Please, be careful with the content of your writings.

Hannah Hillam said...

Hey! I'm really sorry! I don't mean for it to be offensive or ignorant. It was a sarcastic comment meant to point out how people who buy Toms don't realize that they can sometimes do more harm than anything. People buy them to feel good about "helping" other people in countries that they think need the help, such as with shoes. They don't really consider where the "help" is going. I really do apologize, though, and I'll change the statement.

Megan said...

This kinda annoys me. I don't think anyone really calls themselves a hipster unless they are intentionally trying to be one. I feel like I'm being made fun of for liking music that doesn't talk about girls being whores and sex toys or about partying all the time. Or even that I like guys with a little facial hair who feel like they don't have to wear lax jerseys and ruca shirts all the time. I guess if this categorizes me as a "hipster", then I don't have a problem with that. What I do have a problem with is that people think they can go around making fun of people who actually enjoy being themselves without dressing like a raunchy slut or having to listen to music that doesn't define them.

cuntfarce said...

this is fucking gaytarded

Hannah Hillam said...

@Walt Disney
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! GET BACK TO YOUR CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN STATE, YOU ANTI-SEMITIC ZOMBIE!

@Megan
I'm with you, honestly. I don't like music that's about girls being whores and sex toys, and I don't like it when girls feel like they have to dress like raunchy sluts. I love music that has beautiful lyrics instead of crap that demeans other people. In fact, I fit most of the categories on in this post. If I were more familiar with another "subculture" or lifestyle, I'd probably make fun of that as well. :) But I'm most familiar with "hipsters" because I live that lifestyle and I think it's always healthy to be able to poke fun at yourself.

@cuntfarce
Cute name.

Anonymous said...

i really like this blog! when i was reading it i was like.. dang, i'm a hipster? :P

Candice said...

I always tell myself not to read comments, but my eyes stray to them anyway. You people need to lighten up. The author is not trying to be hateful, it's a light and funny comic.

Back to the actual comic, I fall into a few of these categories as well. Mostly the fashion ones. I don't even know where I stand on my music taste.

Great job Hannah!

chickie said...

kramer: the ultimate hipster

Anonymous said...

I kinda like the way hipsters dress haha

Anonymous said...

i hate hipsters.

Anonymous said...

How the fuck is this popular?

Leah Schwartz said...

the problem is that the hipsters are also artsy... and kinda but not really bohemian... which makes everyone think ima hipster..
flaxen chest mane... i died inside >.<

theshinjukueffect said...

You put a smile on mah dial!!
Right on the money.

Lauren said...

Seriously, just about lolled to death! Linked ya on my blog. So many hipster cliches in my life!! I'm a single-speed bike away from full on hipsterdom. x

MistyKnight said...

Love it and the illustrations rock x

Anonymous said...

Little bejewelled Owls. Ha! ENOUGH of to the owl jewellery already!

Michelle said...

I was sad - then I read this post - now I am not sad. Effective? I submit yes.
Also - I laughed so hard while reading this that my husband actually put his Kindle down to look at the screen. This proves that I was laughing quite loudly for quite some time. Well done. The other two are great as well.

andrewcolinbeck said...

Han,
I love this post!
I have learned in the world, that the moment you say your true feelings about something - all hell breaks loose . . . and that is exacly what just happened in the 64 comments above min!

Alejandra said...

Hannah,
The truth is I didn't really know how to get in touch with you, so I figured a comment was the easiest way. I've been following your blog for a while and I find it absolutely hilarious. I live in Mexico City and I work as an editor in one of my university's magazines. For the number we are working on we wanted to publish something about hipster culture. I've been trying to insert some artsy, cultural, creative stuff in the publication. I thought about your chapters "How to be a hipster" 1, 2, and 3. I was thinking about publishing the first chapter, and if we get a good feedback publish the second chapter in the next issue and so on. This is, of course, if you're interested. The thing is, it would have to be in a format more adequate format for a magazine.
So, what do you say?
Here's the link to the online version of our magazine: http://www.elglobalista.itam.mx/
And my mail is luoach@hotmail.com
I'd love to publish your work.
Cheers!
Alejandra

mattscradle said...

Looks cool though.

Anonymous said...

Just came across this post and I am LOVING it! Freshly addicted!

Anonymous said...

This is bullshit. Toms, heeled oxfords, and rompers are all over magazines. You won't see any real hipster wearing this just hipster posers. Fuck all of you

Anonymous said...

Dont forget to claim you "dont watch tv, I dont even own one." The distinguished hipster doofus only reads obscure books. Or that you've heard every band way before everyone else has. And dont forget to wear your hipster doofus oversized cap!

Hipster stores said...

Lol, right on, man! I love it when somebody has a sense of humor, and says something funny without being to vulgar! Even if the joke is on me! :)

Joyce said...

Wait, if you wanted us to be looking at our shoes... how would we read the rest of the post?

I mean, unless you have creepy omnidirectional eyes that's not possible...

Anonymous said...

Thank you. I was actually struggling to understand what a hipster was, but you helped me.

Also, I feel kind of bad about the fact that I really love that very last shoe. I guess it has something to do with my affection for steampunk.

Anonymous said...

this is hilarious, especially since these kids are all over my campus!

iwannagosurfin said...

this is hilarious!! but really, if you say you're a hipster, you are most certainly not a hipster

Anonymous said...

I wanted to post this on my Hipster-friend's Facebook...and then I realized he's too Hipster to be involved in social media. However, this entire thing is hilarious!

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Anonymous said...

You know you actually are a hipster when you're scrolling down the page and go "OH MY GOSH, I LOVE FLEET FOXES". Proud hipster moment right there. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Ariel said...

Haha this is hillarious. Right on the money!

Jewel said...

Wow! :) this is a great post! :) hahaha i like all the figures! :)

Anonymous said...

why are you giving people instructions on how to dress differently than others? and basically, since everyone is trying so hard to be nonconformist, they're all just conforming to a different style. although i do like the sparkling chest mane.

Anonymous said...

lol so this is how you do it huh?

Anonymous said...

Okay not to be rude.but what you're basically doing is making fun of "hipsters".
Like come on,how old are you?
Everyone has there own sort of style or own way to dress even if a lot of people may dress sort of the same who cares.It's just clothes man!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad I discovered this. It's a really awesome site and the pictures make it that much better!

Amanda Absolutely said...

To those of you who are whining, bitching and otherwise offended by this post - you need to get a sense of humor. I think they have an app for that....

Hannah - shame on you for caving to some Argentinian PC bullshit "wah you offended me" whiner.

Dracony said...

I had such a laugh =) You can also check this one: http://how-to-be-a-hipster.com . I love your artwork btw

Anonymous said...

Basically, since everyone is trying so hard to be nonconformist
printing company, they're all just conforming to a different style flags stickers. although i do like the sparkling chest mane cheap stickers printing.

Fllag Stickers said...

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Melanie Hylton said...

I have decided to love you. Upon researching 'Hipster' for my boyfriend&my joint 20th hipster themed birthday parties i have found myself reading every single blog entry and wasting hours and hours laughing uncontrollably. thanks for an amazingly wasted day.
Melanie

Ps. can you please turn this blog into a book when you are finished i am dying to have it in a hardcopy xx

Pasta said...

The flaxen chest hair! I think I saw many a bearded hipster on a recent trip to Portland. Coincidentally, said bearded hipster also had a dog. Go figure.

That being said my hipster friends would protest at the "thrift store" label – they happen to be "high fashion hipsters" and are somewhat offended by the notion of being lumped with the hobo hipsters. Of course, being the nice friend that I am, I laughed.

Anonymous said...

I got the feeling that this shows how "hipsters" aren't really all that different. There are so many "hipsters" doing different things that it really isn't all that different if, one, you can create a guide that fits them to a T, and two, that so many people do this. Not very "individual"y.

Carissa said...

Funny, but the thrift store thing bothers me because I have to shop at the thrift store, and have for most of my life, because I can't afford to buy them anywhere else.

Anonymous said...

I am not ashamed to own 80% of these clothes. I look awesome...and silly...AND AWESOME!

Anonymous said...

Haha this was hilarious! On the topic of hipsters ... http://www.adbusters.org/magazine/79/hipster.html

Anonymous said...

You forgot about creepers (shoes)

Jacob J. Morris said...

I love it, very very funny! You are spot on with your hipster definition...

AmiVicky said...

Figure 5 is exactly what I wore out last night. My hair was even styled the same. I'm unintentionally hipster....

hair treatment said...

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Tung TungMcCain said...

Mudkip is much more hipster than Pikachu.

cyrollan said...

oh my. i never thought myself a hipster, but you have somehow described the same things i do! LOL. this can't possibly be true. the things i do are TRULY different.

reid said...

I actually fit into all of these, lol. I have all those shoes, and colelct records, play guitar, blah blah. But I don't dislike things JUST because they're popular. I like some mainstream stuff. I don't banish everything mainstream, and I don't ride bikes. haha! But this is HILARIOUS. brb, dying.

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Anonymous said...

Love this. Love the blog. Love hipster. Love everything.

Nutcase said...

Just to let you know, your hipster guides inspired me to do a character study I am working on for a video game in blog form:

http://organicemo.blogspot.fi/

:) Thanks again!

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Anonymous said...

and don't hipsters like to use expensive luxury goods that are seemingly handmade but really don't serve a real function?

this website is an ironic comment on this phenomenon.

http://www.remadeco.org/our-story.html

Katz said...

Very simple and cute idea.
Decided to try this weekend.
Thanks a lot for sharing.
You will find some diy tips at http://www.trendingfashions.com/

Simona Ion said...

it was like reading an horoscope! we all fit in there!

Anonymous said...

this is too mainstream